I have had a number of cases lately where I would like to say to a client “you get more flies with honey than with vinegar.”
We know how hard it can be to communicate when you are going through a divorce.
We understand the trauma of having to parent with a spouse who cheated on you or abused you.
We understand that you may be leaving a marriage because your spouse is controlling and manipulative.
It is because of this that contacting your attorney before contacting your spouse is a good idea. If your attorney can review your words and edit them down to what needs to be said rather than what you might want to say, it will help you in the long run. It’s easier to go into court showing the judge you are more amicable than venomous.
Remember what you say is important, but so is how you say it. If you would like to approach your spouse to renegotiate a day of custody a simple “do you mind if we switch days this week?” would be sufficient. If you send an email and talk about what a no good son of a gun he is, how he cheated on you and by the way can we switch days this week, you may not get the response you want.
There will be times you may not be able to cordial, but then step away from the keyboard. You need to communicate- that much is certain. You have years ahead together at parties, weddings, special occasions with your child’s other parent. Try to put to the side the bad feelings you have when you are looking to parent with your spouse. It will serve you better in the long run and your children as well.