Despite what many television and movie watchers believe, most divorces are not resolved in loud, angry trials; they are settled. If you are getting divorced, you have choices as to how your case gets to the finish line, and the choice you make can have a profound impact on you and your children.
How Divorce Affects Children and Family Life
A divorce, especially one involving children, is effectively a surgical procedure that takes a family living under one roof and separates it into a family living in two places. The fact that each parent goes home to a different address makes no difference to your children’s perception. They still have one family; it just looks different, and it will require some adjustments.
Consider looking at your divorce in reverse—from the endpoint back to the beginning. Once you are living separately from your spouse, your children will have to deal with two bedrooms, two sets of parental rules, two environments, and potentially two new stepparents. That’s a lot to put on a child.
Putting Your Children’s Welfare First During Divorce
The best way to avoid having those changes turn into trauma is to plan carefully, always keeping your children’s welfare front and center. The collaborative divorce process is a forward-focused way of setting your children up for success as they venture into what can be a scary set of transitions.
How Collaborative Divorce Helps Your Family
Collaborative divorce helps your family in multiple ways.
- Each of the spouses is represented by a lawyer trained in the interdisciplinary collaborative process. That includes training in mediation, which helps the lawyers avoid blame and instead concentrate on problem-solving.
- The process uses mental health professionals in the roles of “coach” and “child specialist.”
- The coach meets with the parents periodically, first to better understand their relationship and their communication issues, next to help them develop a parenting plan that is tailored to their family’s specific needs, and then to assist them in their transition to separated co-parents.
- The child specialist meets with the children and with the parents, and may also speak with therapists, doctors, or any other people who can provide information on the children’s needs. The child specialist will then share what they have learned about the family, both with the parents and with the coach, so that the children’s concerns can be addressed in the parenting plan.
- The process uses a financial specialist to gather financial information, to explain that information, and to help the couple understand the financial ramifications of property division and support provisions, including any tax issues. This understanding will help the family make the best use of its resources to better prepare for the challenges of maintaining two households.
Throughout the collaborative process, the focus remains on helping the family remain as healthy as possible, both during and after the divorce proceedings. Instead of spending your financial and emotional resources on affixing blame, the collaborative professionals continually encourage their clients to set themselves up for success.
Why Avoiding a Contested Divorce Matters
Any divorced parent who has been through a messy contest can tell you how difficult the aftermath can be, both for them and for their children. Hard feelings don’t magically disappear after the judgment is entered, and if the case was tried, the post-trial proceedings can go on for months or even years.
Start Your Path to a Peaceful Post-Divorce Life
The collaborative divorce process may be your ticket to a more harmonious and peaceful post-divorce life. If your relationship with your ex-spouse can be made less stressful, you can be sure your children’s lives will be improved along with your own.
A Paule, Camazine & Blumenthal family law attorney will be happy to discuss your divorce process options with you.
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