I recently finished a divorce that took three days to mediate. Much of the fighting revolved around the contents of the family’s house. Dad believed he deserved to keep all of the children’s toys and Lego blocks, their awards, their art work, and the Christmas ornaments – the kinds of things that create comfort and security for the children. I don’t think he gave a moment’s thought to what effect this division of property would have on his children.
What Divorce Really Means for Your Children
Divorce is certainly devastating to parents, but it can be even more devastating to the children, who have a huge stake in the outcome but no seat at the bargaining table. Kids often must move out of their family home, often the only home they have known. Imagine being a child who spends half their time at one house without any of these comfort items and the other half surrounded by the reminders of a happier time when the family was under one roof. Are parents really thinking about what is best for the children, or is inflicting pain on the other parent more important than ensuring the stability of their children?
The Emotional Toll Divorce Takes on Kids
Divorce can cause children to suffer from anxiety, depression, anger, and confusion. Parents, all of whom profess to only want what is best for their children, often forget that the decisions they make at the bargaining table can have a profound impact on their precious offspring.
5 Ways Parents Can Protect Their Children During Divorce
How can parents help these children? They can start by imagining how they would feel if the roles were reversed. Here are a few suggestions:
- Stop the hostility between the parents. Your children are part of each of you. When you badmouth the other parent, you injure your children. As a wise divorced parent once told me, “Don’t throw darts at your child; they go through your children’s hearts.” And the bonus is that each parent’s life will improve when they stop fighting.
- Put your children’s needs above your own.
- Create financial stability for your children. Withholding support from a former spouse may result in a lower standard of living for the kids you purport to care deeply about.
- Be emotionally available to your children. Provide the children with the security that they need.
- Let the children have their toys and their clothes and their iPads and computers at both parents’ homes. Children thrive when they have comfort and familiarity at both homes.
Divorce isn’t just about the couple ending their relationship; it is about the children.
Work With a Family Law Attorney to Put Your Kids First
The family law attorneys at Paule, Camazine & Blumenthal can provide you with more tips on how to protect and care for your children during and after divorce.
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