If real life were anything like the TV and movie version, your divorce would look something like this: You and your spouse would either be openly arguing in some lawyer’s office or making nasty allegations about each other in a courtroom before an impatient judge.
Real life is a lot more mundane and also a lot more complicated than the compelling dramas made for our entertainment.
Here’s the most important fact to know about divorce in the real world: Most cases are settled. Based on the lawyers’ experience in our firm and a very unscientific survey of reports on the internet, the vast majority of American divorces are resolved between spouses, usually with the assistance of their attorneys.
So, if you understand the overwhelming likelihood of getting divorced through settlement, what are your options for getting the best possible outcome for yourself and your family?
Here are a few suggestions:
- Get yourself the best representation you can find. When I say “best,” I don’t mean you should find yourself the meanest dog in the junkyard. Nastiness doesn’t automatically translate to good or effective counsel. You should instead look for someone with experience, not just in terms of years of practice, but, more importantly, in the knowledge of family law. Many very fine lawyers have not handled divorce cases or have only infrequently dealt with the issues unique to divorce.
- Gather as much information about your family’s financial situation as possible. Usually, this means gathering account statements, employment information, tax records, and other documents detailing how money has been earned, saved, and spent in your family. That also means educating yourself on these issues by asking questions of your lawyer, your financial advisor, or your CPA.
- Emotional support from your friends and family is critically important, but don’t rely upon these sources for accurate legal advice. Friends often believe they are helping you by demonizing your spouse. Don’t let them drag you in that unhelpful direction, especially if you will be raising children together with your soon-to-be former partner.
- Find out about process options, which include mediation and collaborative divorce. Both of these processes focus on what is important for your future, rather than on finding fault with your spouse. They help keep your eyes focused on the windshield rather than the rearview mirror.
- Recognize that divorcing spouses rarely get everything they want and that fault-finding is frequently an empty pursuit. Always keep in mind the things that are the most important and not the “gotchas” that will only give you temporary satisfaction.
- Remember that your kids will do best when their parents work as a team. Start preparing for that post-divorce teamwork before the judgment is entered.
For advice about the best options for resolving your divorce, talk to one of the family law attorneys at Paule, Camazine & Blumenthal.
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